By REX MENARD CERVALES

It was a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. This is no longer necessarily the case. Now, a single man may be in want of a husband, or a single woman of a wife, but this truth is unfortunately not so universally acknowledged.

Shane* knows this all too well. It was the night before Christmas when Jesh* asked to go for a bike ride with her. Jesh had drunk enough alcohol—just the right amount to muster the courage to ask her to be her girlfriend.

Living in a devout Christian family, Shane admits to feeling guilty after her family rejected her for choosing to stay with Jesh, who repacks products for baby bottles for a living. Shane, however, does not at all regret her now 14 years with Jesh.

"One time, sinama ko pa si Jesh sa church. 'Yung pastor pa mismo yung nagsabi sa kaniya na bawal ang relasyon namin. Siyempre para sa'kin, masakit 'yun na ganyan," said Shane. "Pilit kaming pinaghihiwalay dahil parehas nga daw kaming babae. E, ang iniisip ko naman ay di namin kasalan na parehas naming mahal ang isa't isa."

Marriage seems an elusive promise for couples like them. Much to their surprise, the online poll recently launched by Congress for the potential legislation of same-sex union in the country is a glimmer of hope for Jesh and Shane who want to have their own child and be recognized legally as their parents. Under the proposal, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and intersex (LGBTQI) couples will get to exercise their civil rights to legal partnership status that will, in turn, grant them rights to adoption, property, and custody over children.

While it is true the Filipino society is largely heteronormative, marriage equality is not at all an all-out assault on conventionally considered sacred principles. Rather, its potential legislation assails nothing but the intervention of the church in policymaking and the use of religious dissent to perpetuate prejudice disguised only in clerical garb.

Prejudice 

Since the first attempt to legally recognize same-sex couples in 2013, the Philippine parliament has made no significant headway in pushing for marriage equality despite a public discussion spurred by the recent online poll and the Supreme Court oral arguments on same-sex marriage in June 2018.

The passage of the Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity or Expression (SOGIE) Equality Bill that seeks to protect the community against gender discrimination also proves a tedious process, if not painfully stagnant at the Senate level. 

“For two decades now, LGBT organizations in the country have been lobbying for a national policy that will … promote gender responsive actions," said Xavier Bilon, former president of UP Babaylan, the first LGBTQ+ student organization in the country. He cited in one of his studies that about 80 million Filipinos remain unprotected from SOGIE-based discrimination, according to latest estimates.

"The Philippines is long overdue for legal recognition that hate and violence have no place in our society," Bilon added. 

That already many members of the LGBTQI community have fallen victim to murder, sexual abuse, and other hate crimes do not deter conservative religions from opposing pro-equality legislation. They argue, for one, that all such bills are out to realize marriage equality, which they claim degrades the sanctity of marriage.

While religious dissenters in the Philippines are dead set against LGBTQI rights, 28 other countries have already recognized same-sex marriage, with Taiwan being the first Asian nation to join the list. In the Philippines, though the constitution guarantees the separation of church and state, for Danielle Ochoa of the UP Diliman Department of Psychology, this principle is yet to become a reality in a country where same-sex marriage is often discussed as a moral issue.

"There are many ways by which [church groups] can influence people. Pwedeng formally, let's say, homilies," said Ochoa. "Pero ngayon, lumalawak din ang means of communication. They can spread their clout through that."

Shane and Jesh themselves believe that, were it not for their wish to adopt, marriage holds no purchase in their relationship. "Kahit hindi na lang, kasi marami pang ipo-process, marami pang issues, marami pang maririnig," Jesh said. "Wala naman kasing [nilikha] ang Diyos maliban sa babae at lalaki."

This kind of response to marriage among LGBTQI couples may be rooted in attempts to relate religiosity with homonegativity, the negative attitude to gayness. Even in the community, these sentiments abound and often stem from unawareness of the civil and political dimensions of marriage beyond religion.

"The institution we're talking about is the granting of rights to couples," said Amber Quiban, director for policy and campaigns of the Philippine Anti-Discrimination Alliance of Youth Leaders (PANTAY), a coalition of youth organizations campaigning for anti-discrimination agenda in the Congress.

"We're not talking about the sacrament, the walking down the aisle, the throwing of flowers after marriage. It's not about that. Marriage, for us, is a civil matter," Quiban added. 

Pride 

In the absence of marriage equality in the country, Ranley and Clyde Jackett, a gay couple of five years now, resorted to a wedding ceremony with no legal bearing. They were married last April by LGBTs Christian Church, a progressive congregation. They were granted a certificate that they could supposedly use as “proof of togetherness” in countries where there is a marriage equality law. Yet the couple found the document unavailing in the United Kingdom, where Ranley works as a nurse.

"Basically, it is frustrating knowing some countries have accepted it," said Ranley. "But knowing our country's history, I know it will be hard to pass. It would be a struggle and a hard fight soon."

Several other progressive LGBTQI-affirming churches strive to reconcile religiosity with gender inclusivity. Since 2006, the Open Table Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) has been holding regular worship services and educational seminars and officiated LGBTQ weddings, which number 68 in the last year alone.

"I choose to remain with MCC because of the next young person who comes to the door trying to fight the confusion na sinasabi sa kanya na 'Mapupunta ka sa impyerno,’ ‘Yang nararamdaman mo ay mali,’ ‘Pwede mo naman 'yang pigilan’—all this pain of that young child who comes to MCC," said Joseph San Jose, administrative pastor of Open Table MCC.

It is an uneasy task to maintain a church for those with internalized homophobia, transphobia, stigma, and religious baggage, San Jose added. His group, however, believes that equality, in marriage and otherwise, can be had—not in spite of, but even alongside, religion.

Both camps, after all, hold as an ideal an equal shot at happiness for all. The rift starts when one does not only undermine the other's rights but also denies them their humanity through a language of bigotry. The defect is not only the propensity to hate a subsection of society, but also willfully misunderstand them. ●

* Not their real names. The article was first published in print in the Collegian’s June 30, 2019 issue. 

Rex Menard Cervales wrote features and designed pages for the Collegian, from 2018 to 2020, and served as the publication’s business manager in 2019. He studies community nutrition.