By MARIO M. TAGUIWALO

Sonny Mesina left behind him a “Makibaka, Huwag Matakot” poster hanging on the wall side by side with a psychedelic hippie poster. On his table lay a bunch of mimeographed sheets of “Sagot sa Martial Law—Digmaang Bayan'' held in place by a peace symbol. Like most of us, he stood between the fascination of objects of frivolity and the symbols of protest in a sick society. He moved between the enjoyment of middle class living and the making of sacrifices in the course of struggle. It was his indecision, whether to remain completely indifferent or completely committed, which makes his death doubly painful.

Early in the first semester of this year, Sonny usually went to the recreation center to play billiards with his friends. As he passed by Vinzons Hall, he was always encouraged by his fellow graduates from the Philippine Science High School (PSHS) to join discussion groups (DG) in the Nationalist Corps. Sometimes he did join, usually he did not. In the circle among the members of the discussion group, he usually stayed at the outer ring and rarely joined the arguments.

This may perhaps be traced to the frivolous nature of Sonny. He walked with a slight bounce and had a way of smiling that seemed like a mocking grin. The hard life of an activist was not for him, at least up to the moment that he joined the barricades. He was not yet fully committed, although the seeds of an activist were in him. During the last jeepney strike from January 6 to 13, he and some of his friends in GSIS Village made some newspaper posters and started pasting them in the fences within the village. The group later gave up after all their posters were taken down by a group of members of the Christian Family Movement. He usually cussed these “clerico-fascist,” but never with the intensity that most activists usually exhibit.

During a convocation on the Los Baños affair last January, he approached one Samahang Demokratiko ng Kabataan (SDK) member and a fellow graduate from the PSHS, asking for an application form to SDK and insisting that he have a DG. After that, he joined one DG with the SDK, and was often present in many activities of the movement.

He had just boycotted his classes in the third pavilion and he listened to a teach-in, marched with the mass of students, and joined the barricades when he died.

We cannot find the reason for his death in his life, we have to find it in society. The most painful fact in his death is that perhaps up to the last moment, he was grappling with the rationale for the bullet in his head and the ebbing of his life.

Sonny was not an activist nor a revolutionary, but he tried. ●

This article was first published in print in the Collegian’s February 10, 1971 issue.