Nothing, so they say, is set in stone.

I entered UP filled with uncertainties, but sure of only one thing: I will contribute to the student movement as fervently as I can. I promised to go even further than I did in high school, where I attended rallies and educational discussions by mass organizations at UP Diliman. One point of discussion I still remember vividly is this example from journalist Jacob Riis: Imagine using a stonecutter to hit a rock a hundred times, with barely any dent made. But it split at the 101st blow. “I know it was not that last blow that did it, but all that had gone before,” he wrote. 

So, I told myself I would dedicate myself to activism once I got into UP, contributing as many blows as I could in smashing the system’s ills. It was this endeavor, after all, that gave me a sense of purpose at a time when I was so angry at the world. I was grappling with the causes underlying our financial hardship while my parents constantly reminded me they could not send me to college unless I didn’t have to pay for anything. My interest in science had no answer for this. Activism had one.  

But my first semester precluded me from pursuing the aspirations I had set for myself. I was struck by the amount of polarization even among groups that were supposedly united in principle. I was angered by stories of mishandled cases of harassment within formations touting themselves as progressives. I was demoralized by the dwindling number of students interested in participating in actions.

I believed these small blows seemed unrelated to my desire to serve through mass organizations, but then the 101st cut came during the special elections. Issues within the movement that had been simmering for so long erupted. I did not know which was right, whom I should side with, and what would truly advance the movement I believed in for a time. 

So I had to step back. I may be weak, but another thing I learned in my Geol 11 class is that there is a scale of hardness among minerals. A harder rock will always scratch a softer one. And now that I am so lost and unsure, I don’t think I can make any impactful change without damaging myself.

This does not mean I am completely abandoning my desire to contribute to change. Maybe I can do so in a different way through writing from the sidelines, while I figure out all that is puzzling me. As I do so, perhaps the fissures will eventually mend, rectifications will conclude, and we can return to hammering the rock that splits us all. 

Nothing, after all, is set in stone. ●